The special moment a football-mad couple renewed their wedding vows thanks to a North East hospice. * PETER BARRON**reports*
DEVOTED couple Nicola and Phil Bulmer had planned to celebrate their silver wedding anniversary by renewing their wedding vows during the trip of a lifetime to Las Vegas.
Instead, the football-mad husband and wife have reaffirmed their love in a poignant ceremony, made possible through the “amazing support” of the team at St Teresa’s Hospice, in Darlington.
The couple’s 25th wedding anniversary falls on June 15 next year, but thoughts of their dream holiday to America had to be abandoned when Nicola was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease in April, 2024.
“We didn’t get the chance to go because of MND,” says Nicola, speaking from her bed at the hospice where she has been an in-patient since August.
Knowing that time was running out, she confided with St Teresa’s staff that it was her wish to renew her wedding vows to Phil.
Once the plans were in place, Nicola let Phil in on the secret, and the ceremony took place in the hospice grounds on October 11 – two days after her birthday.
“I asked him to take my ventilator off, so I could tell him that all I wanted for my birthday was to marry him all over again,” she explains.
Phil’s tongue in cheek reply? “I had to think about it for a while...but, of course, I said yes.”
The couple’s extraordinary love story began through football rivalry. Phil, from Newton Aycliffe, is a passionate Sunderland fan, while Nicola, from Bexhill-on-Sea, grew up as a Charlton Athletic supporter.
Their fates collided when Sunderland played Charlton in the 1998 First Division Play-off Final at Wembley. After extra-time, the score was 4-4, with Charlton winning on penalties.
In the days before social media, there was a text-only computer messaging programme, called ICQ, and Nicola spotted a user describing himself as “Phil, the Sunderland fan”.
After the drama of the Wembley shoot-out, she couldn’t resist sending a message, saying: “Ha, ha! Sunderland are big pants!”
Phil sent one back, “telling her to get lost”, but the banter continued from a distance until February 2001 when Nicola suggested they should meet.
“Nicola had moved to Scunthorpe by then and we’d both been in relationships that hadn’t worked out, so I went down to meet her, and we fell in love,” recalls Phil.
The couple married at Darlington Registry Office the following year, settled in Newton Aycliffe, and had three children, Brad, Meg and Bronte.
Nicola taught foundation studies at Darlington College, while Phil, who was diagnosed as autistic late in his life, became a volunteer with the Daisy Chain charity.
They'd reached the point in their lives when there was so much to look forward to, but the MND diagnosis changed everything.
.“We’d had some tough times, but things had come together until Nicola got ill, and everything fell apart,” says Phil, who became his wife's full-time carer until the bed became available at St Teresa’s.
As well as remarrying Phil, Nicola had two other wishes: to use a recent lump sum from a private pension to pay off the mortgage on the family home, and to buy Phil his dream motorbike – a Harley-Davidson Fat Boy.
"I was able to park the bike outside her room at the hospice, so she could see me on it," he smiles.
And then came Nicola's biggest wish – the chance to marry Phil for a second time.
The setting for Phil and Nicola to renew their wedding vows (Image: Chris Barron)
St Teresa's senior fundraiser, Victoria Raitt, used her previous experience in hospitality and event management to plan the ceremony, with the support of colleagues, and local businesses.
A cake, featuring a Sunderland Football Club flag, was made by Cake Diaries. Darlington Chair Covers supplied decorations, while Blackwell Grange Hotel provided chairs for guests.
The cake paid tribute to the couple's love of music and football (Image: Chris Barron)
St Teresa’s IPU Sister, Emma Condren, co-ordinated Nicola’s complex care needs for the day, and flowers were arranged by family support co-ordinator, Jennifer Smithson.
The service was conducted by Stephen Holmes, a former hospice social worker who now volunteers in the pastoral team as a chaplain.
“We haven’t got a budget for things like this, so it was a real team effort to create special memories for Nicola, Phil and their family and friends,” says Victoria.
“It was everything I hoped it would be, and more. I hope it shows the breadth of what we do behind the scenes at St Teresa’s. Making it happen was a privilege, and I know it meant the world to them.”
With the autumn sun coming out in time for the ceremony, Nicola wore a teal dress her late mum, Maureen, had worn for her 70th birthday party.
Nicola and Phil cut the cake together (Image: Chris Barron)
“I was blown away by the effort they’d gone to to make it special for us – it was quite overwhelming,” says Phil, who couldn’t hold back tears during the ceremony.
“The day was an emotional rollercoaster. There was so much to celebrate, and yet it was bitter-sweet.
“Motor Neurone Disease is such a cruel illness, and it’s going to rob us of the time we thought we’d have together, but what they’ve done for us at St Teresa’s has been amazing.
“It has changed my perception of hospices completely. Before coming here, I would never have imagined in a million years that I could experience something so wonderful.”
The day also meant so much to the couple’s children. “It was very special to watch them renew their vows, and see their love for each other. We can’t thank the hospice enough,” says daughter, Bronte, 17.
Nicola and Phil with their children: Megan, Bradley, and Bronte (Image: Chris Barron)
Phil, a musician in a band called Mustang, is now planning to show the family’s gratitude by staging fundraising events for the hospice in the new year.
Recommended reading
Diamond anniversary for Darlington couple who found love under theatre spotlight
Darlington hospital marks 25th anniversary with £25,000 donation to hospice
The end of a fruitful era as Darlington's best-known market stall closes for good
“We’ll do whatever we can to support this place because it’s simply wonderful. I hope that by telling our story, it leads to more support for the hospice,” he says.
And, even though she’s long since been converted to having a soft spot for Sunderland, Nicola has made Phil promise that he’ll organise a family outing to The Valley ground to see a Charlton Athletic game after she passes away.
“I have so many happy memories of watching matches there, and it was football that brought us together, so I'd like them to go and cheer on Charlton for me," she says.
Friends and family joined in to celebrate the couple's special day (Image: Chris Barron)