(Image: North Yorkshire Police)
A SURVIVOR of domestic abuse has shared her experience in the hope that it will help others recognise the signs.
Mae - whose name has been changed - described how her ex-partner’s behaviour escalated from what she believed was a normal relationship to one of complete control where she was even forced to injure herself.
She said: "At first I thought he was being protective, but the more it progressed, I realised it wasn’t normal behaviour.
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"I had to ask before I was allowed to do anything, including going to the toilet in my own home. I also had to ask if I could eat, drink, even just to move off my bed. I was in my room pretty much 24/7."
Mae said her ex-partner isolated her from her family and convinced her they hated her, adding when their daughter was born, she was not allowed to care for her without his permission.
She said: "My daughter wasn’t allowed to touch certain areas of my body because they belonged to him. It got to the point where I had to stop breast feeding, because he was getting so mad."
Mae was forced to write lengthy essays declaring she was his property and had to do whatever he wanted and if that did not satisfy him, she was made to slap herself in the face so hard that she gave herself a black eye.
She said: "Although he did not have access to my bank account, he had so much control over me that all of my wages were spent on him.
"He made me feel so small and that I had no-one. I am only just starting to get my life back, several years later."
Mae said she was afraid to go to the police because she did not know what he might do, adding: "I felt like I couldn’t go to the police as I didn’t have proof or evidence. I didn’t even know what he was doing was classed as abuse."
The abuse came to light when a midwife raised concerns about his behaviour while Mae was in hospital in labour and reported him to the police - with her first contact with police being a female officer, something that she says helped.
She said: "She was really understanding and took her time with me. It made me feel more comfortable having a woman officer.
"Afterwards I was nervous and scared and relieved – all at the same time. Scared of what he was going to do, nervous of what was going to happen but relieved that I had spoken about it.
"After the court case I was confused but happy. I had it out of my system but I was a mess at first because I was a young mum and I had just got rid of someone I thought I loved.
"It took me a long time to feel safe. I am so much better now. I look at my daughter and thank her for saving my life every day."
Mae’s ex-partner was arrested and later charged with assault and controlling and coercive behaviour; he pleaded guilty to both offences and was sentenced to 18 months in prison and given a 10-year restraining order.
Detective Chief Inspector Clare Crossan, North Yorkshire Police’s lead for Domestic Abuse, said: "Like Mae, many people don’t realise that controlling behaviour is a form of abuse, or feel able to report it.
"In Mae’s case I can only imagine the fear and isolation that she felt being made a prisoner in her own home and controlled, not only in daily life, but in how she cared for her own child.
"My thanks go to Mae for her courage in sharing her story. I hope that other victims may recognise the signs and come forward."
To report abuse to the police, please call 101 or report online via our website and if you are in danger, always call 999.
If you prefer not to report to the police, you can get confidential help, support and access to emergency accommodation from the charity, Independent Domestic Abuse Services – visit their website IDAS or call 03000 110 110.
Call the national 24-hour domestic abuse helpline 0808 2000 247